Sunday, February 1, 2009

What’s That Coming Between Our Friendship?


You make plans as “friends”. A boy, a girl, share a meal together. Have a drink or three. You are drawn to each other. Is it common interests, like literature, current events, or botany? Or is there always another conversation going on between two parties. The parties in our pants?


One of my oldest and dearest friends is a guy. We talk about everything, we spend a lot of time together, and we are legitimately just friends. But when I think about it, we don’t go out for dinner, have drinks alone, or spend much time together after 8PM. Does friendship have a curfew? Is my buddy reserving his peak hours for girl’s he might actually “get some” with?


I was challenged by a another friend recently to question my insistence that men and women can be just friends. We used to be more than just friends, and our friendly friendship is staying on track by following one simple rule: never, ever be in the same room. He insists that male/female friendships inevitably implode with desire, or just sizzle out for lack of sizzle. That’s a hard notion for me to accept. I want men in my life. I’m one of those independent, quite possibly psychologically flawed women that actually prefer living alone. I’m relationship avoider, I don’t like what they become, or what I become in them. Yet, I crave that male energy. But I’m starting to come around to this guy’s way of thinking. This whole friendship thing between men and women might just be a ruse. It’s like a guy asking you to sleep over and just cuddle. He wants to cuddle in your cavern. And that’s why sleepovers are best left to 7 year old girls in supervised settings. As friendships are best left between grown up girls, and even then things can become dicey.

So. Am I FOS? Are my attempts at male friendships just veiled attempts to hang out with guys that I’m basically attracted to? Is my need for “male energy” just code for “I’m f’n horny?” Is hangin’ with a cute guy just a way to feel sparks without the hassle of getting involved, feeling vulnerable, or feeling the inevitable ennui that sets in? Is it fun having a sexy friendship, without sex? Is that satisfaction enough? Should there be a new label, something that fills the slot between “Friend” and “Friends With Benefits” called “Sexy Friend”?

Let’s face it, no guy trying to entice you into a horizontal play date wants to hear the excuse, “I think it’s better if we’re just friends.” “I’m actually a man down there,” or “I have been diagnosed terminal sexually transmitted disease,” those are music to his ears. But the dreaded “Let’s be friends” will cause him and his one-eyed snake to wince in horror. He doesn’t wonder about subtext like, “I’m attracted to you, but I’m scared of men.” Or, “I want to date you, but I’m setting up some parameters so you don’t expect oral gratification on date one.” Or, “We’ll never have sex. We will never be friends. But I care about your feelings.” At the end of the day, it really makes no difference to most guys. Most men will respond in one of two ways. He will, A) take it as a challenge and take the >panties on the floor or die< approach. Or B) leave you to your other friends, which are probably made up entirely of women.

6 comments:

  1. this is just my opinion so don't bash me with it later.
    Can a man love a man? sure. Can a woman love a woman? sure why not. The obvious thing here is that each individual is looking for love. They are looking for that spark. So they date, meet up and do whatever together. You can have "common interests" with a guy or a girl. Would you consider someone with "common interests" as you and willing to hang out with you a "Friend"?
    The answer will probably always be "YES".
    If there is someone looking for "Love" on the other hand, they will want to first find "common interests". If they don't then the date is a failure and love is lost.

    The steps to get marriage (which in my opinion) is a very beautiful thing. Marriage does not get the respect that it deserves around the world. The law has made it very very easy for people to get divorced. If it were difficult then would they? Probably not.

    An example of a bad relationship/marriage:
    get "sex"
    find "common interests"
    find "love"
    get "married"
    have "children"
    get "old"

    An example of a successful relationship
    find "common interests"
    get "sex"
    find "love"
    get "married"
    get "more sex" - other wise you will feel like the disease called "onegina" or "onedick" ?
    get "have fun"
    have "children"
    get "old"

    Now the "more sex" part can be elaborated on in many many ways from my personal "lifestyle" hint hint. And not only has it strenghten and reaffirmed my love but has done miracles. ... if interested in the juicy details we need a jug of coffee and a quiet setting.

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  2. claudtalks appreciates your comment. Just a reminder that this is a public comment forum. Offers to share your personal 'lifestyle' choices, jugs of coffee, and 'juicy details' with me might be better served in a more private email exchange. Unless you're willing to share with the class, you might not want to bring a pizza into the room.

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  3. Please keep your juicy jug o'coffee details in a quiet place...your pants.....lmao

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  4. Better that than Grand Central.

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  5. alright i apologized... delete this topic.

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  6. "Members" may request deletions, but will almost always be denied.

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