Tuesday, February 3, 2009

5 Misconceptions Men Have About Dating Women

This can be true in real life, and online where photographs are usually required.
For instance, an average guy can go either way in a woman’s eyes depending upon what he’s wearing or driving. That one’s kind of obvious. With photographs, here’s the core insight: There’s a wealth of information going on in the background.

Have you been professionally photographed in front of a mottled background?
This might indicate a lack of sophistication, or sense of irony. Humorlessness also comes to mind. It may also indicate a certain amount of desperation. No one wants to hire a man photographed in such a way. Not an employer, or a romantic prospect.

That said, all professional portrait photography is not problematic. But you want to do your research and go for those artists that have an air of reality in their work. Generally, leaving it to friends, family, and other non-professionals is the way to go. Shirt on is my personal preference.

Other background indicators: the filthy kitchen. I don’t think I need to go into the implications of such a visual. Unmade beds, laundry heaps, mops and pails. All should be avoided, even if the broom closet does provide the best light source for your camera phone.

Unfortunate decorating choices. There’s nothing more depressing than a worn out, faded, mint colored comforter with the tiny roses, next to a nightstand full of tiny glass figurines. This is not a bra dropping visual. But even exquisite backgrounds can be a problem. Like shooting yourself in Versailles, or against an exquisite Hawaiian sunset. It’s like that moment was IT for you, and it’s been downhill ever since. Go for something more everyday,

Worst possible background: your ex-wife or hot girlfriend. You may think that you’re making a point that you can in fact get women, or that you’re setting the standard for the level of hotness that you require. This is a huge turnoff. You want her to picture herself standing next to you, not some random pair of big boobs.

Kinda true, kinda not. Generally, only really screwed up chicks like a-holes. What is an a-hole? A guy that treats women well, then treats them really badly. He might have a certain macho bravado about him. He might say whatever it takes to get everything from a woman, like sex, and her self-respect. Obviously, you don’t want those women anyway. But here’s the rub, nobody likes a, how do I say this, wimp, pussy, or sad-sack. It’s not really a good idea to talk about stuff like how you see happy couples and it makes you sad. Or how lonely you are. Or you need someone to complete you. Even if this is how you feel, it’s best to put your best foot forward in the beginning. In general, though, women want confident, funny men who are sexy. But be very very careful with the sexy part. One wrong move, poorly chosen word, one inappropriate picture, and you’re out with the trash. And what if you’re not confident or sexy? Many women will forgo these charms if you can at least make her laugh. And what if humor isn’t in your bag of tricks? Sincerity works as a last resort. Just avoid sentences like, “I’m looking for good hugs and intimate times with a lovely lady”. Corny lingo from the 70’s is like nails on a chalkboard to women. Write from the heart, the love should follow with like minded folks of the opposite sex.

I’ll just jump right in on this one and say definitively: Do not talk about your ex-wife who cheated on you but you’ve forgiven and are now moving on. Don’t talk about your ex-girlfriend who cheated on you, pretended to love you, but now you’re over it. Don’t talk about your dead wife who you loved dearly, but you’ve healed and now you’re ready to date again. If you’re saying these things you’re not moving on, over it, or ready to date again. Beside that, personal relationship history is not a first conversation, or even a second. Keep that in mind, and make sure that if you have outstanding issues, you work them through with a therapist, your mother, or another drunk guy at the bar. Just not with a woman you hope to have sexual relations with.

This is absolutely not the case. Just walk around the streets of New York City. Yes, there is a 10:1 ratio of single women to men, but there’s more to it. You see really beautiful girls with really nerdy, average looking men all of the time. Here’s what they have going for them. They listen. I see it in restaurants, the streets, and on the subway. He’s intently listening to every word she says, and proving it by giving her feedback. The thing with these guys is they generally really care. You can’t fake caring. You can fake it for one or two drinks, but really hot women know better than to give it up after one or two drinks. It takes 2-3 weeks of platonic listening for her to let down her guard. But if you’re one of those guys, you’re not even thinking about “her guard”. Or at least not in those words.

This is tricky. Most women want to know that men see her as commitment worthy. We all know that men basically break women down into one of two categories: Sluts or Marriage Material. So, for a woman to even think of acting like a slut, she usually has to have some indication that she’s at least being considered for the marriage position. This is tricky and requires a little more explanation. This could be a post unto itself. More to come.


  1. As a guy I only have one comment to this blog....."NO COMMENT"...amd I'm selecting "ANONYMOUS" to add to my comment....Playing this blog "SAFE" is the best comment any man can ask for on this one...whew

  2. Up to now, I was getting all of my information on relationships from the women's magazines at the checkout counter of "Stop and Shop".

  3. How dare you reveal my sources. I will see you in court, young man.

    P.S., check their circular... they're having a two for one on Goya beans.