A PAY IT FORWARD CHRISTMAS TALE

So I get this email saying my package from Kohl's was delivered. Only, I hadn't ordered anything from Kohl's. So I trudge down to the lobby, and it's this giant box, I had ordered the hot kitchen gadget du jour three months before that went missing- the store sent out the replacement that week and I'd been enjoying it for months. Seemed the lost unit suddenly got unlost and showed up at my door - 3 months later. It's a beast - it weighs like 30 pounds. So I hauled it upstairs and got on the phone to Kohl's. I explained the situation, the sweet customer service rep said "thank you for calling us!!" and told me they would have it picked up the next day - but suddenly put me on hold, came back on and said - "just keep it". Seems the no-longer-missing unit confused their system - it didn't exist so they couldn't take it back. She told me to donate it then suggested that Christmas was coming and maybe someone on my list would love to have it which made me sad because I don't really "do" Christmas anymore and have no people on a list. I offered to gift it to her, she laughed and said she'd love it but couldn't accept it. So I had this giant box sitting in the middle of my living room. I told a couple of friends about the duplicate culinary device and begged them to take it off my hands. They found it intriguing, but when push came to shove they declined. No one was having the "must-have" item of the season. They all suggested that I sell it, which felt weird because I'd gotten it for free, but my attempts to "pay it forward" had not payed off. So I listed it on a couple of selling apps and Facebook. "Sealed in box! You register it in your name!" - less than half price -seemed like a great deal to me. But the time wasters came out in droves. I'd almost resigned myself to using the giant box as a coffee table when a nice lady on Facebook messaged me and said, "I'd like to make an appointment to pick up the item today, thank you!" She got off work at 4PM and would drive right over. Her name was "Tijuana" - like the border town, she confirmed. She was maybe 4 feet tall - wide as she was tall. She had on a long down-filled puffy coat which came down to her ankles, making her look like she was scooting around in a sleeping bag. Cornrows, a cute little smile, a warm, festive demeanor. She handed over the money and asked me to count it to make sure it was all there. I was worried about her carrying this hulk of a box out to her car and offered to help her, but the little dynamo picked it up like it was a shoebox. She paused, turned to me and said, "thanks for selling it to me for such a good price, I know these things cost a lot more." It kinda got me, I had gotten it for free, but I took the nod, listened to her say she was gonna break it out that weekend and go to town - and with that the stout caterpillar scooted into the night. Her spirit really touched me, her generous comment and pixie smile stuck with me long after I got back into my apartment. I could breathe again with that box gone. It felt good - so I looked around to find my next victim. And there is was - another over-sized, must-have gadget that NASA undoubtedly had a hand in designing. Space shuttle-sized, it had to go to. And in that moment I knew where it had to go to: Tijuana. I sent her a message that next morning, she cheerfully accepted my gift and showed up that night- in her de rigeuer caterpillar duster jacket, tiny sneakers peaking out. She noticed the cardboard pet food box I brought the contraption down in - she asked me how many pets I had - she had several small dogs, seemed everyone counted on her to take their puppies after the novelty wore off, but she didn't mind, Tijuana didn't have a cynical bone in her beach ball body. Suddenly her phone went off, bursting into song -a glorious gospel ringtone explosion- the spirit moved me into some jack-ass raise-the-roof dance. She giggled and put it on silent- "aww, that's just my nephew, he calls me all day long" we laughed again, the spirit still with me, I gathered up the smiley, plump caterpillar into my arms and squeezed her with all my might. We said our goodbyes, Tijuana snapped up her gift wrapped casually in an old cardboard box, exclaiming, "God Bless you!!" and rolled out into the night. It was a nice way to enter the season - a chill in the air, a spirited ringtone salutation, and that makeshift special someone to check off my Christmas list.

HALLOWEEN TALE

So there was this family dressed up for Halloween, taking their young boy out for Trick or Treating. The dad was wearing oversized pumpkin glasses, the mom - rocking a witch's hat. Their little boy was dressed to the nines as a wizard. Only thing is, it's the day after Halloween. The family walked solemnly down the quaint, deserted Carroll Gardens block - the boy dragging his deflated Halloween sack - muttering to his sneakers in French which was indecipherable to me, save for the occasional utterance of the phrase "Trick or Treat" - for which there is no translation.