Thursday, February 19, 2009

Letter not from the Editor: Opposing Skewer-Points

This blogpost features highlights from one earnest reader’s viewpoints regarding blogposts from CLAUDTALKS. Under each “highlight” follows a brief counterpoint discussion from CLAUDTALKS. Some editorial license was taken, indicated by ellipses in the quoted text.

>Hi Claudia,
In "saying yes", you are the female equivalent of the worst of what men offer….It does not matter male or female if you don't have it together to satisfy your own needs then you are an addict and a hunter to have those needs met. Sex is a drug and if it is just the quick fix that you are after then ask your doctor for the script and have at it. When I read this first, i felt disappointed, I somehow expected or hoped for more from you.<

CLAUDTALKS RESPONDS: Let me first say, the FEMALE equivalent of the worst of what men offer?? I take exception. I am the worst of what MEN offer, period. Don’t second-class citizen me, buddy. Also, if sex is a drug, can you recommend a dealer that delivers to Brooklyn? I’m sorry you felt disappointed and had expected and hoped more from me. Imagine how my mother feels.

>"heart/gut" (blogpost about navigating relationships) i disagree, fortunately we have all our senses so that we can use them… Just as the conversation alone is not the whole picture, nor the look. If i meet someone on line i want to have lunch or a coffee with them as soon as is possible so at least then further on line communication is grounded in some reality.<

CLAUDTALKS RESPONDS: Sooo ‘heart/gut’ is a deeply personal account of my inner workings. You can’t touch my inner workings, outer workings, nooks n crannies, or nuthin. Also - when you mention lunch or coffee, is that one or the other? Can there be lunch AND coffee. Is there a limit to how much I can spend? I like those bloomin onions I’ve seen featured on TV.

>"Dating"…. Respect , ability to listen, attention to detail, and making sense out of chaos all come from entering the equation with your needs already met…eat and masturbate before going on a dinner date....<

CLAUDTALKS RESPONDS: Eating AND masturbating before a dinner date!?! I was hoping that a shower, nice underwear, and some strategically placed fancy French perfume would do. And by the way, knowing what your pre-date game plan involves, I’m going to insist that you wash your hands before we dig into that nacho platter.

>"the letter for sad" Yes, top of the list of ways to make yourself miserable is, to blame everyone else for your unhappiness.<

CLAUDTALKS RESPONDS: So your point is, why settle for a little miserable, when you can achieve a whole lotta misery by blaming everyone else for your happiness? This is really paridigm shifting stuff. I might be interested in your box set: “Achieve Negative Results By Projecting Your Own Misery Onto Chicks You’ll Never Sleep With.” (See QVC listing for times and 5 Value Pay option.)

>I have to say that when i started to read your blog i thought you to be cynical and shallow, but i realized that only cynical is true, and if that is just your edge for your writing perspective then it is not so bad.<

CLAUDTALKS RESPONDS: I take exception to your Myers Briggs assessment of moi personality. I am too shallow! Have you seen the men I’ve dated? Young, buff, and chiseled. And you were THIS CLOSE to getting a ride in my ultimate driving machine.

>There now i will send you all of this at the risk of being just more material for you to stir,devour,and spit.<

CLAUDTALKS RESPONDS: Stir, devour and spit? You forgot to enclose the rest of your grandmother’s recipe for Mac N Cheese.