HOW LONG IS YOUR LEASH?

I was exchanging lackluster emails with a man, after which I received a more invigorating email from his wife. He was someone I had fished off the internet to read my blog. Kind enough to give my stuff a read, I returned the favor by giving him a post blog email or two. The conversation with the husband was simple: Hi, how are you. Fine, how are you. I had coffee and a waffle for breakfast. He had coffee and a Pop-Tart. It wasn’t sexy stuff, or soul mate stuff. I tried to explain this to his wife. I needed to make her understand. I felt for her. Maybe her husband was talking to all sorts of women about his Pop-Tart.

Would that be cheating? You hear this topic bandied about all the time. “What is cheating?” Intercourse would surely qualify. That’s a guaranteed go directly to the dog house possibly see you in divorce court cheat. But in some cases, intercourse is pre-approved by the spouse. At which point, you can’t really call it cheating.

So is it all just a matter of disclosure? Might all couples have a sit down to discuss permissible behavior? A list of do’s and don’ts? It seems like a good idea, but the minute you get a spouse’s seal of approval, it kind of takes the fun out of it. Cyber flirting doesn’t work if you have to get a signed permission slip from your mom.

Still, should all activities with members of the opposite sex be pre-approved? Is that the only way that people in relationships or marriage can feel safe? But if there is a real need to establish rules and boundaries, are you with the right person? Or do relationships always necessitate a rulebook? A just in case when you’re in doubt book.

I recently had a beer with a high school boyfriend. He not only called his wife to get her to sign off on us going for coffee, he called her again when we upgraded to beer. But the beer had not been pre-approved. He took a couple of feigned laid back sips, and darted out shortly thereafter, leaving half a beer, and a half eaten plate of Nachos Especial in his wake. I found the whole thing to be pitiful and lovely at the same time. Short leashes may not be sexy, but they do reflect a commitment and respect between the two people at either end.