Monday, March 30, 2009


As far as intimacy goes, kissing eclipses full-on f*cking and mouth to genitalia making out. The extreme intimacy of it is flooring. Face on face: no other way to do it, as opposed to intercourse, where you can pretty much avoid eye-contact or any other body contact if you so desire. The p*nis/vag*na lock can start and stop there if you want to take all closeness out of the coitus equation.

There’s no better way to rate somebody on the sensuality scale, because kisses never lie.
They can become a metaphor of what you can expect from that partner further down the road, down the hall, and into the bedroom.

People complain that when relationships or marriages “progress”, f*cking goes by the wayside, but the real truth is, kissing often goes out the door months after vows are exchanged, which for me is grounds for divorce.

I maintain that kissing should always have a place in an ongoing partnership, right up there with honest, open communication, it’s simply another medium, incredible in its capacity to join you in a non-literal sense. When it's done right, of course.

I once dated a guy, his face or name I can’t remember because his kissing was just that bad. His identity was wiped him from my memory as a form of self-protection. He used to shape his tongue into a thick torpedo, and he would f*ck my mouth with it. But like the worst f*cking possible. A constant piston-like in and out motion – with no sense of recipient. It was a mouth rape of a kiss. Not emotionally upsetting, but spiritually bereft. Beyond that, I didn’t know how to take it, literally. If his tongue is a dick, do I make my mouth into a makeshift vajayjay? Clamp down on it, slide on and off of it? Should I make an attempt to stroke the thruster with my tongue? Bite it to make it stop? After I let his tongue have it’s clueless way with me for 40 seconds or so, he was cut off from the rest of me. I showed his tongue-cock the door and never let him back inside.

Then there’s the opposite scenario, those who keep their tongue out of the whole business of kissing. Does it need an invitation? Can you attempt to throw a hint it’s way?
You don’t want to scare the non-tongue kisser with any grand sweeping gestures. But with these less in-depth kissers, even a light tongue tease can fall of deaf mouths. Great kissers recognize other great kissers immediately, and detect frauds on contact.

Then there are decent kissers you date, who simply use kissing as commerce to gain entry into other regions. And once they reach that goal, kissing becomes irrelevant. For them it’s just a means to an end. But for me, kissing is it’s own reward and should never be taken off the menu, yet it almost always is.

Some of the fondest sensual memories I have are of those first kisses in high school. I remember straddling a log in the woods with my high school boyfriend, facing each other, clutching hands outstretched, and finally the kiss – all sweetness and electricity. That first kiss lasted for three hours, throughout our entire relationship, and ultimately for years long after we broke up – and set the standard of melt that I seek today. And when you’re fortunate enough to find that person that can take you back to that log, that beach, the back of that station wagon, understands the sacredness of it all, the inherent newness in it – you have no choice but to take them deep and slow into your mind and swim in it.


  1. Nothing compares with the passion of those virgin make-out sessions. All sexed up and no place to go.

  2. Dear Reader (anonymous)

    In reference to your economy of language:

    Is this a request?
    Your preference?
    Sign of frustration?