Wednesday, March 25, 2009

GOT PANTIES?

I’m having a bit of a panty dilemma. Men are so specific about what they like. I actually think they’re pickier about the panties than the women that go in them.

I have a friend who’s boyfriend (now husband) had a very specific panty he needed her to wear during sex, or he couldn’t get off. I think they were called Lollipops, they were actually little girl panties. They had two varieties, one with a zig-zag elastic, those were the ones he needed or the whole thing was off. Well, one day I got a panicked call from my friend. Apparently, the specific ones he needed to cum, well, they were suddenly off the shelves, discontinued, and his erection would soon follow suit. Fortunately for both of them, she was able to source out every last pair of zig-zag elastic Lollipop panties left in the world on Ebay. With a “Buy It Now”, and through the magic of Pay Pal, their sex life was saved. I imagine her rushing into the bathroom after his money shot, and immediately rinsing those suckers out. God help her if the zig-zag elastic goes. That zig-zag elastic is the cornerstone of that marriage.

My last serious boyfriend had an affinity for pink cotton flowered panties. He used to make me climb up the stairs in front of him when I’d be wearing a thin cotton skirt. He’d do a slight grab-ass thing and say, “oooo, flowers" sorta like Homer Simpson, switching out "donuts" for "flowers". It was kind of his form of foreplay. Well, to keep love alive, I stockpiled all the pink flowered cotton panties I could find. Some were hot pink, some were light pink, some were magenta, some had all of the above. The background could be pink, or white, so I had some wiggle room in there. I still have a drawer full of pink flowered panties, and I’ve been wearing the new ones with my new guy. Until we had the panty discussion.

I felt I had to. He would come into my bedroom, and the first thing he would do was rip off my panties. This isn’t necessarily a good thing. It may just mean that he doesn’t dig your panties. Sure enough. He wants black. Black satin or black silk. Now, this isn’t a no-cum situation by any means. I don’t have to run out to La Petite Coquette first thing, but it’s nice to accommodate. Particularly when this particular guy pays close attention to what he wears for me, which is customarily black leather and chrome harnesses. Tops AND bottoms. I feel the least I can do is pony up and buy some goddamned black silk panties. I’m just a little nervous about what will happen when I reveal my newly purchased panties, all black and silky. He’ll probably want to keep them on, twist them around, pull them to the side, perhaps even use them as a background for his big finish. Spin-art-ing all over my 40 buck panties. But you can’t yell out, “Careful of the panties!!” in the middle of his anguished cum, it would be unkind, and negate the panties whole raison d’etre. So I’m saving all my money, looking under the cushions of my sofa for change. Who knows, I may come across a pair of black silk panties if I'm lucky.

9 comments:

  1. They have lots of them on ebay...

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  2. Why do you keep deleting posts the past few days?

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  3. Think of me as Goldilocks. A very filthy Goldilocks. Some posts are too hot, some are too cold, and some are just riiiight.

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  4. This last post was awsome, I mean it, could have been a great piece... until you started talking about you personal life, well at this point, your life(last paragraph). Do you let your friends read this? Do you shake your mom's hands with those fingertips? Is nothing sacred? You're gross, just gross!

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  5. To answer your question, the whole concept of the blog is to take "sacred" and expose it – naked, bound, and covered in bodily fluids. Hope this helps.

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  6. Hmmm, anonymous says that like she's never had a cock in her mouth before....

    The Owen Show

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  7. I like no panties.

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  8. The "Panty Profiler" thanks you for your comment.

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  9. I hate to judge someone solely by their panty taste, but daily fixation on pink cotton is a bit too juvenile for me. Black panties always work, and nothing feels like silk.

    That said, the hottest panties are "first date" panties, for they what they reveal of the woman's forethought before she decides to put out.

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